Have you ever felt like not talking to God because you felt awful and messy?
For me, that happened a few weeks ago. I was trying to salvage my day by having some time with the Lord, and it was not going very well. I was stewing over a misunderstanding that I could have easily avoided and was quite frustrated with myself.
Honestly, that “quiet time” with the Lord resembled venting session more than anything else. After I vented over a good page or so in my journal, I remember saying “God, I don’t think now’s a good time time to talk. I’m not in a state of mind to really listen or receive anything, and I don’t think I want to bring this side of me to you.”
But then, He reminded me of a random lyric I heard the other day:
“You still want mе through the good, the bad and the ugly”
In that moment, I felt God saying “I want ALL of you. The good, the bad, and the ugly. I want every single part of you, even the parts you don’t like.”
That, I’m embarrased to say, was such a revelation. “God loves us” is one of the most basic things we know as Christians. However, we can easily conflate it with how people behave, which I would sum up as “People like you when you’re productive, well-behaved, and happy.”
We often show the world our best sides, put on a show, and hide our deficiencies and problems. After all, would people treat us the same if they saw what was really going on inside?
God’s love, however, is not dependant on our behaviour of anything we could ever do. His love doesn’t depend on us. God sees every bit of us without our filters and personas. Somehow, He still loves us.
“For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, 39 nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
– Romans 8:38-39
Sometimes the last thing we want to do is bring our awful, messed up selves before the holiness and perfection of God. How could such majestic perfection even look at our sinful, pitiful humanity?
However, God loved us so much that He sent His son to die for the very people that belittled Him, mocked Him, and crucified Him.
Nothing can separate us from His love. Not even ourselves! You don’t need be afraid to bring the worse part of yourself before Him.
Even at our worse, He still loves us.