Just the other day, as I was leaving my parking garage, I came to a stop at one of the lights underground. I did what I normally do and followed the light prompts. The signal was red, so of course I stopped and waited for the light to turn green or another car to come in through the same exit. I waited for quite a bit and the light didn’t change color. At the corner of my eye I saw two workers. One was a superintendent that I’ve seen before and the other was an older gentleman that appeared to be assisting him. It looked like they were working on the garage door from a distance.
As I was waiting for the light to turn, the older gentlemen yelled out rudely for me to go. From the tone of his voice it was clearly out of frustration and I was immediately offended. Because I was on the way out, I just drove off, but as I was driving, I replayed some of the ways in which I could handle this situation. I thought to myself that if I wasn’t on the way out, I would have pulled over and gave him a “piece of my mind.” Or perhaps I would tap into my aggression and handle things as I would have when I was younger.
After some time had passed, I thought that the best course of action would be to file a complaint. I am older and have many responsibilities. My actions no longer just affect me but the people I care about, so the adult thing, and in my eyes, the right thing to do, would be to file a complaint with the property manager. I wouldn’t want to experience this again, and I sure wouldn’t want some of the people in my residence to go through the same thing.
The next day after I filed the complaint, I went for a walk to connect with God. In my walk, the Holy Spirit started to speak to me and convict me about what I had done. I felt the Holy Spirit say to me that I was feeding the wrong spirit. He showed me that although my decision was better than my initial reactions to the situation, I was still operating in the wrong spirit. Even though my decision was right in my eyes, I was unconsciously feeding the spirit of anger, offence and bitterness.
The Holy Spirit showed me that whatever I feed will grow. He showed me that when I react and respond to a hurt, offence and wound in the wrong spirit, I am actually feeding it. I am reinforcing the spirit by operating in the accompanied emotions and paving a pathway towards it. The Holy Spirit reminded me that if I were to be hurt, offended and wounded very similarly, my spirit, mind, body and emotions would be more likely to respond in the same way because I have allowed myself to take that path and it is now familiar.
Metaphorically, I was feeding my hurt, offence and wound by operating in it and allowing myself to be influenced by my emotions in that moment. Whether I was conscious of it or not, the spirit of anger was being fed in me and I was producing its fruit. I was responding to hurt with hurt, evil with evil and I was too hurt to see it in the moment.
I’m reminded to think about what we are feeding ourselves. In our minds, body, spirit and emotions. If I spend more time feeding into my flesh than my spirit, then maybe I may not bear the fruit I truly desire. In the season of fruitfulness, don’t be surprised when the fruit you thought you were growing looks different than what you expected.
This month of fasting gives us an opportunity to intentionally feed our spirits with the things of God. Perhaps fasting this month may be the catalyst we need to understand what is required for this season of fruitfulness.
Father, I thank you for your Holy Spirit that guides us and leads us into your ways. I pray that you would continue to show us how to be more and more like Jesus in everything we do. May invite you into our decision making process and submit to your will. In Jesus’ name we pray, Amen!