As I think about all the tidbits of knowledge and wisdom that have been shared this past Family Weekend, I wonder how I can apply these things to my life today. There were many things that were caught this weekend but for the sake of time and space I will share one that stuck out to me.
In the first Parenting Session, Brett talked about the progression of Parenting being: Hands on, Hands near and Hands off. It is a simple concept that we can use to help us learn how to teach others and help them grow. It is a way to prepare them for life when you are no longer around or available to assist them in what they need to do.
I had the opportunity to experience this first hand, at the Family Weekend, with the game of Mahjong. I had some previous knowledge of the game but I had to relearn how to play. Abby and Andrea played with me (open hand) so that I could learn the basics of the game. Once I had learned the basics of the game, the experts Kar and April came into the room. Being the new one to the game, I was able to recruit both Kar and April to my team.
The first game was completely Hands On. With every move I made, I had two expert opinions on what I should do and they were even rearranging my tiles for me so that I could understand the strategy they were trying to teach me. We ended up winning the first game against Abby and Andrea. I was clearly at an advantage having three brains vs. one, for both Abby and Andrea.
The second game was Hands Near. This was tricky because I had to move and rearrange the pieces on my own. I had the counsel of experts at my disposal but they were only going to help me if I asked for it. I took at least 3 mins per turn trying to figure out what the best move was and what my options were. I did turn to my counsel to advise me if this was the best move to make. For some of the moves they said “Yes that’s the right move” and for others they said “Have you considered this…” They even gave me principles to help me make the best decisions like “think about what stands alone” and “always look at the groups you have.”
The third game was Hands Off. I’m not sure if this was harder for me or for Kar and April. I took way longer to make moves because this time they were not going to direct me or advise me but simply watch me play. I only had a legend of the characters and what I have been taught in previous games. I had to fight the urge to look at them for help and try to read their faces to determine if I made the right move. I feel like it was just as hard for them to watch me make a mistake but I needed to learn how to make moves on my own so that I could one day play on my own. I knew it was hard for them to watch me play because they were struggling not to intervene when I made a bad move. Sometimes they would make noises out of reaction to what I picked up or played which made me question whether I made the right decision.
Unfortunately, Abby beat me and I did not win the round. However, I realized that I could have ended the game before she did but I was confused about the pick up rules. My mistakes helped shed light into what I needed to relearn and I had my counsel of experts to show me how.
What I love about this concept of parenting progression is that one day the ones we parent will be in the same boat as us. It is a cycle of learning that helps those we parent to become parents themselves. Although I did not get to experience it yet, there will come a day where I get to play and enjoy the game of Mahjong with Kar and April rather than having them teach me their ways. They will no longer have to worry about whether I make the right moves or not because they have given me all that I need to play the game. To be honest, I’m not sure if I will be teaching my future kids how to play mahjong but I will definitely teach them about all the things I have learned from this experience.
My prayer for Lifespring is that we would be a family that prepares each other for life and that we would see the full circle of the parenting progression from one generation to the next.