Earlier this week, some friends and I were leading worship. We had just hit that “sweet spot”, where everyone was just enjoying God’s presence, the music was quiet, and the atmosphere was tranquil and peaceful.
Out of nowhere, my friend grabbed a small tambourine and started shaking it to the melody. I was irritated and thought “You are ruining this quiet, peaceful moment!” I was about to shush him when I realized (or rather, God gave me a mental nudge to tell me) that I was being unusually controlling. I asked Him where this was coming from, and He showed me that I was acting out of distrust and a false responsibility to create a “atmosphere of worship”. He told me to let go of the desire to control, and trust Him to bring the atmosphere.
I decided to follow His advice and saw how freeing it was to just let God work. I could enjoy the worship in spite of the hiccups, because after all, God’s presence never depended on our musical ability or performance.
Auntie Mae-Tuin’s message this past Sunday about Ruth, Esther, Mary and Martha confirmed what God was telling me in so many ways. I found an uncomfortable number of similarities between myself and Martha, some of which were “the nagging feeling of oughtness/obligation”, “insensitivity/impatience towards other people”, and the occasional “everything has to be done perfectly”.
Auntie Mae-Tuin also confirmed exactly what God was telling me when she challenged LifeSpring to be more like Mary, just sitting and listening at Jesus’ feet instead of buzzing around with our busyness and self-imposed obligations.
If you’re like me, putting unnecessary expectations or responsibilities on yourself to get things done right, “hold down the fort”, or produce a perfect outcome, remember that you don’t have to do that. God has a way of working with our imperfections and errors to make something good out of what we think is a failure.
In the end, however, He doesn’t want our accomplishments. He just wants us to sit and listen at His feet.