Last week, I attended the Toronto Children’s Ministry Conference with some people from LifeSpring. I learned so much from the workshop presenters and speakers, and while I was reflecting on my takeaways from the conference, God gave me a verse that pretty much summarized them.
“So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.”
James 1:19-20
Let me break it down:
“Swift to hear, slow to speak” – One of the tips I got from a workshop titled Exploring Children’s Spirituality was, “Stop talking so much”. The speaker explained that we tend to focus so much on teaching the lesson that we don’t leave any room for children to question or explore what we just taught. We usually say “… and that’s why ______ happened” instead of “why do you think that happened?”
Children are naturally curious and spiritual, and they have a lot of great ideas. To help them develop their spiritual side, we need to give them a chance to discuss their ideas of why and how and let them know that it’s perfectly fine to question and be speculative instead of squashing the critical-thinking, curious part of them. Sometimes, there are no right or wrong answers, and we truly do not know why this or that happened. In any case, it’s good to provide children with a space to discuss and question in order to seek out the truth.
In providing a space to discuss and question, we also need to actively listen to what the children say. Sometimes, we want to hear the “correct answer” more than their own answer. I am guilty of saying “ok, but what does that have to do with this lesson??” instead of turning it into a meaningful discussion. Children will say some absurd things from time to time, but it’s worth it for them to know that we actually take what they have to say seriously.
“Slow to wrath” – In a workshop titled Pastoral Care to Neurodivergent Children and Youth, the speaker, an autistic pastor, shared about how teachers would judge and penalize him for doing things differently than others. Sometimes a child is being rebellious, and other times, it’s simply what works for his/her brain. We need to at least try to understand the child before we jump to conclusions and send the child back to their parents.
“For the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God” – In the opening plenary session, our speaker said that when Jesus said “let the children come to me” in Matthew 19:13-15, those children in question were probably dirty. They might have been whining “Can we go home?” at their parents, who brought them to Jesus. Hey, maybe they didn’t even like Jesus! But what did He say and do? He did not scold them for not honoring their parents. Jesus told the parents to let their children come to Him and He blessed each of those children.
Gabe has a saying that “people will love the People of God before they love God” and “it’s not what is taught, it’s what is caught.” We, as shepherds, parents, and Kingdom parents, are supposed to set an example for our children and show them and the world world the love of God. If God loved (and still loves) us, us with all our baggage and rebellion and sin, enough to send His son to die for us, we can at least try to love those misbehaving children in our Sunday School.