Last week, my roommate’s dog pooped in our apartment.
Gross, I know.
My first thoughts, after “OH COME ON!!” were about if she was okay! The only other time Shy had pooped in the apartment, she had been sick and I was concerned she wasn’t feeling well again… I found out later, she had been rushed in the morning and simply couldn’t hold it any longer. (I promise this is going somewhere!!)
As ridiculous as it might sound, I feel like I have begun to understand God in new ways because of my time living with this silly little dog. Usually though, it has been in moments when she was taking care of me! Through the way she has sat with me when I’ve been sad or when she refused to leave my side when I was crying; I’ve seen practical examples of what God’s comfort can look like in the companionship of a chihuahua! (Who knew?!) But on this particular day, the roles reversed and I understood the depths of God’s love towards me in a different way…
Shy knew what she had done was wrong. The poor thing looked so miserable and refused to make eye-contact with me! A usually affectionate dog, but here she was sitting in the farthest corner of the couch, as far away from me as possible.
Of course I wasn’t pleased with what had happened! But I could see that she knew she was wrong and that she had even tried to make it out to the balcony… as impossible as it was for her to let herself outside, she knew what needed to be done and had tried her hardest to do that! But, as we all know, crap happens.
Once everything was cleaned up and I had given her the discipline and “mom eyes” that were required, I called her name for her to come and sit with me. She literally turned her back to me, faced the wall, and put her head on her paws! I went over to pat her head and let her know I didn’t hate her and that I was so glad she wasn’t sick but she still looked so ashamed of herself.
In that instant my heart broke for her and I suddenly sensed the familiar stirring of the Spirit of God, prompting me to pay closer attention.
As Shy rejected my attempts to show her my love, I became more and more determined to break through to her. I told her how good she was and made sure to give her an especially nice scratch behind her ears. It took a surprisingly long time for her to soften up and look me in the eye again; to believe me that I wasn’t mad anymore and eventually to receive my love!
It was impossible not to see the similarities between myself and Shy… How many times have I turned my back on the love of God instead of choosing to receive it for myself? How many times have I chosen to partner with my guilt and shame rather than turn towards the loving embrace of the Lord?
Even as this realization of God’s Love began to sink in, my broken, spiritual muscle memory kicked in and I imagined how much it hurt the heart of God to have me continually decide that this great Love is not for me… that I’m not worthy to receive True Love… So quickly I was back to feeling shame for the ways I have rejected the Love of God for me!
Almost as quickly, I realized what I had felt for Shy was different than what I had just imagined God feeling… I remembered my determination to show her my love was for real. I remembered how insignificant her mistake was next to my appreciation and joy over her! Yes, I remembered the sadness I felt, but I couldn’t forget how quickly that sadness turned to delight when she finally looked up and met my gaze again.
Lord God,
Thank you for loving us so much. So much more than any love we could feel for a pet.
So much more than we’ll ever be able to imagine!
We are sorry for the times we have chosen other things over Your Unending Love for us…
for the times we thought we knew better than You about what we deserve.
Thank you for being so patient with us and for pursuing us without fail!
Soften our hearts, Holy Spirit, to receive Your Love afresh today… and then again tomorrow and the next day after that too.
We are so lost without You, Jesus, and we are beyond grateful for all You have done for us!
We love you and we are committed to accepting Your love for us a little bit more
than we did yesterday.
Thank you for never leaving us and for being our comfort…
even when it comes in the form of a silly, little animal.
Amen.